Summer Wars

 

This is an update I sent out by email a few weeks ago.  I’m trying (key word: trying) to synchronize my email/facebook/blog updates.  Enjoy!

"We and the world, my children, will always be at war.

  Retreat is impossible.

   Arm yourselves."

             --Leif Enger

Have you ever wondered why? Why some things never seem to make their way from 'To Do' to 'Done'? Why you have more good intentions than anyone can shake a stick at, and yet you never seem to really accomplish them?  Why you wake up to find that a once beautiful future is now an unremarkable past? Why the reality of things is so...disappointing? I have. 

I wondered it last night, as I was getting ready for bed. I've been home for a month now, I thought to myself.  But what have I done? Somehow, I had lost sight of my goals for the summer, and I found myself looking back at a month of...what?  'Stuff'.  'Catching up'.  'Tomorrow...'  Nothing.  Where had the time gone, and why had I not noticed? A familiar voice in my head reminded me of the past. "You've done it again," it said. "You've failed. You always have these grand plans, but you never follow through.  What's the point in trying? Obviously you'll never get it."

Fortunately, I didn't listen to that voice.  Instead, I picked up a book that my mom had recommended a few days before; Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge.  By the time I finished Chapter One, my whole mindset had pulled a one-eighty. What got my attention was not fancy rhetoric, it wasn't feel-good philosophizing; it was the Truth. Not just the truth, the Truth. God's truth, about my life.

Let's start with what God didn't say.  He didn't say, "You're good on the whole afterlife thing, but don't expect much in the meantime." He didn't say, "Congratulations, you've won a miserable existence on earth. It'll make you appreciate Heaven that much more." And He definitely didn't say, "Everything will seem mediocre and senseless in your life. See you in eternity!"

He did say, "In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. (Jn. 1:4)"  He said, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it to the full. (Jn. 10:10)" And he said, "Just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father,now we also may live new lives. (Rom. 6:4)"

It's almost too much to believe; God wants us to have abundant life, now??  It doesn't seem to make sense, that is, until you hear the rest of the truth. The part that says, "I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. (Mat. 10:34)"  Jesus' coming--our salvation to life--was a military offensive. The Son of God, taking the powers of evil by storm!  And since we are in Him, we, too, are at war.  And in a war, we don't expect the things we want to just 'fall into place'.  We expect to--what else?--fight for them! I have to be intentional about my life, and even more so about my spiritual walk!

And the one thing that keeps this realization from becoming a sad burden is this--Life, as God intends it, is worth fighting for! Nothing else do I require, for nothing else will satisfy.

Maybe I should write an update every week...it always seems to clear my view of life. (:

Now that you have a nice, dramatic view of how my summer has been, we'll move on to the rest of my update!  I have a (very) part-time job; two days a week running the breakfast bar at a Holiday Inn Express. I've also picked up a few other jobs this summer, babysitting, housesitting, dogsitting, and the like.  Lots of sitting. I have about $1,700 of the $2,300 that I will need for my initial fees in August, so continue to pray that God will provide the amount I need, as He always has. I only have one semester left at New Tribes Bible Institute, and I feel a bit old when I say, the last two years have flown by!  I've made wonderful friends and learned alot about myself, the Bible, and (MOST important of all) God. I'm already excited for what the next semester holds!  After I graduate my plan is to pursue my Masters in Marriage and Family Counseling at Friends University, a college here in Wichita. After that, I plan to complete my training with NTM and go on to the field.

I have begun to speak with the leadership at my church (Eastside Community Church, or ECC) about my future plans, because I would like that to include ECC being my sending church as I go on to the mission field. They are very supportive and excited to partner with me.  This has been such an answer to prayer!  I will be working closely with the administrative pastor and the missions director in the coming months and years.

Continue to pray that God will draw me closer to Himself, and that I will seek Him more and more. Pray that I will be in a constant state of looking away from myself and toward Him.  Also, pray for me and my fellow students at the Bible School. Finances are tight for college students, and more so with the current state of the economy.  Pray that God will continue to provide what we need to stay where He has placed us. 

Thank you again for all of your prayers and support; I am so grateful to have such an incredible support network!  As always, I love to hear from you!  Let me know how I can pray for you, what God's been teaching you, or just how life is going! 

In Him alone,

Deborah Burnham

Goodnight

Goodnight, I suppose, and off to bed,

But you’re off running through my head.

How cruel to enthrall me so,

Then, “Time to sleep now; off  you go!”

Here’s a thought, “It’s quite alright

For you and I to part.  Goodnight!”

Surely a thought that one could find--

In any place that’s not my mind!

We’re playing tag, and I’ve been caught,

“Look over there!  A novel thought!”

Then, ha! Just as my mind is turned,

You’re gone. It’s dark. I’ve never learned.

But what’s to learn, and what to do?

Each rising sun is setting, too.

Time says, “No one understands,”

Turns my face with gentle hands,

“Let me help you. Look away,

Tomorrow really is a day.”

I close my eyes reluctantly--

Closing on the you I see.

For life is going! Forward ho!

So come along, for here we go!

I’ll wink, and you--with both our eyes;

We’ll take the morning by surprise.

A Bit of Summer Perspective

Meet my littlest sister, Japhia. She's five. And a half.

Five years ago, when I was fourteen, bedtime was our time. My mom had taken care of her all day (on top of homeschooling the other five of us), and was exhausted. So every night, I would pace the living room or sit in a chair, singing lullabies and rocking Japhia. Once she was asleep, I'd lay her down in her bassinet, careful not to wake her. Once in a while, I would just sit and listen to her breathing, soft and slow. She grew, moving from bassinet to toddler bed to 'big girl' bed. When she grew too big for me to carry and rock, I would lay beside her in her bed. We would sing together, the same lullabies that she now knew by heart.

Japhia turned four, and I went off to college in Wisconsin. When I called my mom a few weeks into the semester, she told me how Japhia would often wake up crying in the night. When my parents asked her what was wrong, she said, "I miss Deborah." It only took a little duct tape to mend my heart.

When I came home last summer, I lived in Japhia's room. We still sang every night that I didn't work late, though she had to correct my lyrics a few times. "No, Deborah, that's not how it goes. You forgot." By the end of the summer, I was humming lullabies to myself at work. I got on a plane back to Wisconsin the day she turned five.

That Christmas was my first away from my family. I worked Christmas Eve, chilled Christmas Day, and didn't feel much different. Japhia sent me a letter, written in large, backward script. "I miss you. When are you coming to visit?"

April of this year, my entire family drove up to Wisconsin to spend four days with me during my spring break. Japhia slept in my dorm room. We talked about dreams, and car trips, and Jesus. Then we sang our lullabies until she fell asleep.

Today, I returned to Kansas. Japhia hugged me only a few hundred times, then sat beside/on top of me at supper. We read a book, and then my dad carted her off to brush her teeth. Ten minutes later, my Mom walked out into the living room. I had been summoned. Once again, I sang lullabies. This time, Japhia was quiet. I asked her if she wanted to sing along, but she said she didn't remember the words. I intend to fix that this summer. In ten minutes, she was asleep.

And now, the perspective. I could go off on a sentimental tangent about enjoying the little things in life and 'living in the moment', but I have never been much for little bunnies in bonnets and unrealistic tear-jerker stories. 

Instead, tonight served to remind me that there is more to life than my tiny tunnel-vision window filled with job applications and still-full suitcases. The lullabies were my wake up-call from watching my feet as I trudge tediously along. Now, I'm reading Romans 12:1-2 and recapturing my one, real responsibility this summer.

Not looking at myself.
Not looking at what I've done.
Not looking at what I haven't done.
Not looking at what I might do.
Not looking at the summer.

Looking unto Jesus.

Here's a good read. Check it out, especially if you don't think you have the time.